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Raising The Whole Girl

By: Victoria Pericon, editor of savvymommy.com

Raising kids has never been a walk in the park and it's definitely not getting any easier. Our children grow and change, culture evolves, and we just try to adapt and keep making good parenting decisions.

Old Ideas Die Hard

We all know that there are stereotypical expectations for both girls and boys. With three children of my own, I am constantly trying to filter the messages my kids are getting from television, their peers, the Internet, magazines and movies. My daughter, especially, is surrounded by confusing messages that make it difficult for her to develop a strong sense of self and a healthy body image.

Every Mother's Dream

As moms, we have some pretty big aspirations for our daughters. We essentially want them to be what we can refer to as "Whole Girls." Here are some characteristics, in addition to the usual feminine traits, I believe we all wish for each of our little girls:

  • Self-confidence
  • Respect for herself and others
  • The ability to speak up for herself and stand up for her values
  • An appreciation for diversity, which will teach her to value her own individuality

We also want them to be able to use their blossoming self-confidence to play (and someday work) in creative and imaginative ways, and to express themselves in a healthy and friendly manner. We want to raise Whole Girls.

Getting From Point A to Point B

So, I know you're asking yourself, "Okay, how do I go about raising a whole girl?" I ask myself the same question, and I've gotten a lot of guidance from friends and fellow bloggers. Here is some of the advice that I've collected:

Help your daughter learn to make good choices.

Your daughter must make decisions every day. Sure, right now she may be deciding which toy she wants to play with or which shirt to wear, but soon she'll be making more serious decisions.

Making good choices takes practice. Offer your daughter options and show respect for her decisions. This will give her the confidence to make decisions about the tough stuff later on.

Although you'll be tempted to sway her decision when you can see she's making a poor choice, don't interfere. We all learn by our mistakes. Let her know she may occasionally regret a choice she's made and that you'll stand by her despite the mistake.

Encourage your Whole Girl to express herself.

Listen to your daughter — really listen — to her ideas and opinions to show respect and encourage individuality. Provide opportunities to develop and practice different skills to help build her confidence. The more self-assured she is, the easier it will be for her to speak her mind.

For example, allow your daughter to try something that none of her friends or siblings do. It will make her feel special and lead to many conversations with both her mommy and daddy about her exciting adventures.

Actively search for good role models.

There are plenty of opportunities for children to find less-than-ideal role models. Consciously point out positive examples of women, both celebrities and the everyday women in your lives, explaining why you think they're good examples. And remember, your daughter holds you up as a role model, so don't hesitate to point out when you feel like a superhero because of something good you've done.

Make helping others an important part of your lives.

When she has the opportunity to help others, your daughter will experience the joy of caring about other human beings and can reduce the amount of time she spends thinking about herself.

Provide plenty of opportunities to make a difference in your community. Make a list, and for each option explain exactly who she would be helping and why, then let her decide which causes are most important to her.

Be your daughter's personal cheering section.

We all like reassurance, and your daughter is no exception. With positive reinforcement, it's easier for her to decide which actions are good and which aren't. Be the positive voice in your daughter's life.

Victoria's Daughter

Play With Me, Mommy

One easy way to incorporate these important lessons is to play, play, play. I especially like the possibilities provided by the new Groovy Girls RSVP® doll and Web site. Every Groovy Girls doll provides a safe, appropriate way for young girls to have fun while promoting age-appropriate values and attitudes. Just think of all the role-playing you can do with your daughter!

In addition to unstructured play, the Groovy Girls RSVP doll comes with access to a special Web destination where your daughter (and you) can create a character, decorate a Mod Pod, make friends at a Posh Party, create new outfits, dance, play games and much more.

Play is one of the best and most fun ways to build the Whole Girl characteristics we've just discussed. Here are three of my favorite ways to play with my little girl:

  • Participate in both unstructured and online Groovy Girls play.
  • Be fashion designers. Craft or sew a simple garment or accessory together.
  • Dance, dance, dance! Choreograph a dance, practice, then invite the rest of the family to dance along with you.

So, it's really not hard. Be confident, have fun and enjoy watching your daughter blossom into a Whole Girl.

Victoria Pericon is the founder and editor of SavvyMommy.com, an award-winning parenting Web site. In addition to running SavvyMommy.com, Pericon also is a family lifestyle correspondent for national media outlets, host of Savvy Mommy Radio, and the author of three parenting books. Pericon resides in Manhattan where she raises her three children, Luke, Harrison and Natalie.